The Black House of Blahs

For many years, I've wanted to own a black house - black inside and out. Black paint on the outside, black trim, black stairs, smoke-black windows, black interior walls, black floors, black ceiling, black rugs, black carpets, black furniture, black paintings, black dishes and cutlery, black handrails, black doors, black fixtures, black appliances, black window coverings.

I would also affix black mannequin arms and legs to the walls, floors and ceilings at random intervals, like ebony ghosts slowly emerging from the crawlspaces. My theory is that robbers would be utterly blind in such a house, and they'd wind up clobbering themselves on the mannequin limbs, which would be completely invisible in the blackness.

Unfortunately Sylvia vetoes this plan whenever I raise the issue. But I think I'll win her over eventually.