On Sunday, I joined my friends Leslie Vermeer and Nicole Brenda for the annual MS Walk. I raised $120; not as good as last year, but hopefully enough to help. This year’s t-shirt is fire-engine red with a big yellow diamond in the middle, populated by shadow people. Nifty.
Midway through the walk, Leslie went running through some unsuspecting homeowner’s lawn sprinkler to cool off. She attempted to do so a second time at a different address, but she was foiled by beer-swilling sentries.
If her courage hadn’t failed her, I wonder what could have happened…
EXT. A city street in Edmonton, Alberta. A warm, sunny morning. NICOLE, EARL, and LESLIE, each dressed in an MS shirt, are walking purposefully down the street. LESLIE breaks away and dances through the spray of a lawn sprinkler, much to the shock and horror of two BEER-SWILLING SENTRIES.
LESLIE: Tra la la, whee!
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #1: Tarnation! That gal is plumb jumpin’ all over our fresh green lawn!
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #2: I reckon we gots to teach her a lesson!
LESLIE: Oh oh!
NICOLE: Ulp!
EARL: D’oh!
LESLIE, NICOLE, and EARL run for their lives. The BEER-SWILLING SENTRIES give chase.
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #2: Y’all walked on m’grass! Come back for yer whuppin’!
LESLIE: No way!
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #1 trips and falls, barking his shins against the curb.
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #1: MY SHINS! Oh no, I barked ‘em good! MY SHINS! Jumpin’ banjos, MY SHINS!
EARL: Good Lord! (choke)
NICOLE: That’ll teach you for wearing sandals when you’re giving chase to sprinkler-hopping fugitives!
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #2 stops to aid his fallen companion. He shakes his fist at the retreating trio.
BEER-SWILLING SENTRY #2: You haven’t heard the last of this!
EARL: Nice of you to invite us to your little SHIN-dig! Ha ha! Losers!
FADE OUT as the triumphant walkers continue their quest.
…
Well, it could have happened.
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