This Pun Is Justified

There they were, on set, near midnight. The day had been wasted. The director, the producer, the writer--all agreed that the day's rushes weren't even looking at.

The star remained quiet, arms crossed, his lips pressed into a thin line, his Stetson tilted at such an angle that his eyes, no doubt blazing, were hidden. He stood in the shadows, listening. 

The crew argued among themselves, trying to spread the blame. The script was unpolished. The direction was pedestrian. The major stunt of the day looked cheap and fake. The catering had spoiled, throwing everyone off. 

In short--they danced around the main issue. 

The man in the Stetson knew the final responsibility came down to him. His pacing had been off, his delivery flat, his timing all wrong. Even his body language was uncharacteristically stiff. 

In the end, a brave and possibly foolish production assistant, all of 21 years old, cleared her throat. 

All eyes--even the ones in shadow--turned to her. 

"Maybe it's not my place, but..." 

She paused. 

"I think we need to start talking about the Olyphant in the room." 

Request Your Special Ballot for the Alberta Referendumb

Elections Alberta is now accepting requests for special ballots for the October 19 Alberta Referendum. Just fill out the online form and they'll mail you a ballot with all ten referendum questions; fill it out, mail it back, and you've done your civic duty. 

Why Is This Important? 
Danielle Smith and the United Conservative Party are subjecting Albertans to a pointless, divisive, misleading, and non-binding referendum. This means that no matter what the results, the Alberta government is under no legal obligation to act on the results of the vote. Given the performance of the UCP government thus far, with its track record of scandals, censorship, pandering to the Trump administration, working to undermine and eventually privatize public institutions, there's every reason to believe that the UCP will simply do what they want and ignore the people--unless of course the vote aligns with UCP values and strategy. 

There are nine blatantly leading questions about immigration and Canadian constitutional matters, all of them dog whistles to cast suspicion and resentment against immigrants and our fellow Canadians in other provinces--but especially the federal government, which happens to be Liberal these days. Surely a coincidence. 

So why vote? Because there's still a slight chance that a massive turnout and a massive vote against the immigration and constitutional questions and a massive vote to remain in Canada will at least give the UCP pause. 

How Should We Vote? 
I can't tell you how to vote, nor can any one else, nor should anyone. But I believe that anyone with common sense, empathy, and a basic understanding of politics should "no" on the first nine questions--not just for the sake of immigrants and marginalized people, which is reason enough, but because voting yes on these issues opens the door to escalating restrictions on personal freedom, loss of privacy, loss of crucial public services, worsening relations with the rest of Canada, and disrespecting the constitutional role of Canada's Indigenous peoples. 

Here's question ten, which of course the UCP has written to obfuscate the issue. Rather than a simple "Should Alberta stay in Canada?" or even "Should Alberta separate from Canada?", we get: 

Should Alberta remain a province of Canada, or should the Government of Alberta commence the legal process required under the Canadian Constitution to hold a binding provincial referendum on whether or not Alberta should separate from Canada?

The available responses are: 

Option 1: Alberta should remain a province of Canada.

Option 2: The Government of Alberta should commence the legal process required under the Canadian Constitution to hold a binding provincial referendum on whether or not Alberta should separate from Canada.

I'll be choosing option one, and I hope at least 85% of Albertans will do the same. Also, note the wording of option two, which explicitly states that the next referendum, unlike this one, would be binding--should Albertans vote for option two (and should we get shunted into a parallel universe where the Clarity Act doesn't exist). 

My prescription: 
"No to the nine, and Option 1 is just fine." Or maybe "No to the nine, one for the ten, and let's not go through this nonsense again." 

Kenneth Branagh's "Love Too Much"

 

In our reality, this is the video for Keane's "Love Too Much." In the reality I visited last night, Kenneth Branagh directed and starred in his own "Love Too Much" video. In Branagh's version, he appears as a dancing vaudeville performer, wearing a bowler hat, suspenders, brown trousers, and a button-up white shirt. He wields a cane, which he uses throughout the video as a prop as he tries to woo a variety of women on a London street circa 1910 or so; there are horses and carriages, street vendors, and shops housed in red brick buildings. 

While he's had a couple of misses in his career (Aremis Fowl, Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit, I'm looking at you), Branagh remains one of my favourite artists, and the video he created in my dreams last night suited Keane's song perfectly. 

The more I explore Keane's catalogue, the more I love their focus on humanity, decency, our failings and foibles--and our ability to be better. Unless I'm reading their work wrong, Keane seems to lead with empathy with their music, and I love them for it. They gave me a lovely dream last night, when these days they're mostly nightmares. 

Atlantis and Lemuria

 I gave Gemini some simple parameters and asked it to generate the mythical continents of Atlantis (above) and Lemuria (below). 

Saskatchewan, Naturally

Where do you go
To see the grain grow
Saskatchewan, naturally
For the birth of Medicare
I need to go where?
Saskatchewan, naturally
For dark sky views
Where should you choose?
Saskatchewan, naturally
To join the RCMP,
Where should you be?
Saskatchewan, naturally
I need potash galore, 
Where can I find more?
Saskatchewan, naturally
If you only relate
To borders that are straight
Saskatchewan, naturally
When you like to wine and dine
In many hours of sunshine
Saskatchewan, naturally

Yes Saskatchewan has all these things
And many other joys it brings
You might think it's kind of scary 
Because it's flat and endless prairie
But that's Sasatchewan--naturally. 
 

A Ladle Bit of Humour

A few years back Aunt Jean and Uncle John were in Leduc. Here, we see Aunt Jean pretending to drink from the iron ladle that goes with her dad's forge, which now lives in Sean's condo. That imaginary soup must have been very hot indeed...
 

Masters of Their Universe

Masters of the Universe (Travis Knight, 2026) delivered the kind of goofy, unhinged fun I haven't experienced in quite the same way since Flash Gordon (Mike Hodges, 1980). 

Based on the Mattel action figure toys released in 1982, Masters of the Universe tells the story of Adam Glenn (Nicholas Galitzine), who is determined to find the mythical Sword of Power and in doing so save his home dimension, Eternia, from the skullduggery of Skeletor (Jared Leto). 

But fifteen years after arriving on Earth as a child--hidden there to escape Skeletor--Adam hasn't had any luck. Instead, he's grown up, making the best of things by taking an office job in Oklahoma City. He works in Human Resources, and his affable, charming personality makes him a beloved, if eccentric, figure among his colleagues. Adam can't seem to lie, and he speaks earnestly about his quest to anyone who will listen. They think he's either role-playing or insane. But soon enough Eternia comes calling, and Adam's quest moves into high gear. Can mild-mannered HR drone Adam retrieve the Sword of Power and become the kind of hero who defeat Skeletor, his right-hand woman Evil-Lyn (Alison Brie), and their horde of monstrous minions? 

Of course he can, and does. What's important, as ever, lies in how the tale is told. And this time around, the tale is told with tongue planted firmly in cheek. The screenplay is full of clever gags, the action is well-structured, well-executed, and essential to moving the story forward, the actors are clearly having tremendous fun, and the whole thing is so genuine and wholesome that I fell in love with the film about five minutes in and never fell out. 

Some highlights:

• The brilliant origin story of many of the ridiculous character names
• The characterizations of the chief villains, Skeletor and Evil-Lyn, captured in clever dialogue, performance, and special effects--I never once thought of Skeletor as a CGI creation, but always as a full-fledged, delightful villain in the over-the-top style of old serial villains from the 1940s
• Camila Mendes as competent, steel-nerved warrior bestie Teela
  
• Idris Elba as Man-at-Arms, a fallen warrior lost to alcoholism in the wake of Eternia's fall, who reluctantly answers the call to destiny once more
• Two of the most satisfying and delightful post-credits scenes I've seen in quite some time
  

As far as modern takes on old franchises go, I'd put this one right up there with Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves.

A movie based on a toy line has no right to be this good. IT HAS THE POWERRRRRR

The Old Ones Return

A few weeks ago I had Gemini try to create a book cover in a style similar to the old Bantam Star Trek tie-ins of the 1970s. "Return of the Old Ones" might have made a better title. 
 

Hulking Mad Barbarian

I am the very model of a hulking mad barbarian
When I don't see pillaging I really get contrarian
When I come for you I wield
A bloody axe and iron shield
Good thing this image isn't real
'Cause I have no desire to steal
 

Pitchers in the Clover

Three wee tykes
In fields at play
They made their pitch for lives ahead
Dreams in clover, dare to tread
Where are they now?
No one can say
Perhaps to dust they have returned
A final rest, well-loved, well-earned
The marks they made in history burned

 

Fanfare for the Unknown Couple

Ba, ba--bum ba ba
Pum pum ba ba bum ba ba
Lum de dum ba pum pum pum
ba, ba--bum ba ba
 

Natufian Rhapsody

15,000 years ago
Hungry Natufians
Mashed grain and water to make dough
For family and friends
Set fire to stone and made it glow
Cooked that dough until those stones
Turned red
Served it up sans cutlery
And called the meal flatbread

Man and Horse

Man and horse
A symbiosis 
Animal husbandry's
Ultimate gnosis
Strong back, fleet hooves
Domestication
Foundations of the horse-drawn nations
Bit and bridle, tack and saddle
A riding crop to act as paddle
An equal partnership, we say
But what of horse?
"I say thee neigh!" 


 

Branch Point

Sylvia and I came home after today's brief storm to find several tree branches on our driveway. 
 

84

Mom would have been 84 today. Here she is with Dad, on the road to Leaf Rapids in 1974. 
 

A Minor Thrill from Thriller

 

From 1960 to 1962, Boris Karloff hosted Thriller, an anthology of suspense and horror stories. Midway through the first season, early in 1961, "The Hungry Glass" aired. It's a story about a young couple who buy an old mansion in Cape Caution, New England. As if that name weren't enough, the locals consider the mansion haunted, perturbed by the previous owners who removed all mirrors from the house. 

The new owners are played by William Shatner and Joanna Heyes; they're escorted to the mansion by their realtor and his wife--Russell Johnson and Elizabeth Allen. 

Before watching this episode, I had no idea that two actors so foundational to my tastes in popular culture had ever appeared in anything together. As Captain James T. Kirk and Professor Roy Hinkley, these two men left a strong impression on my young mind. Kirk was strong, compassionate, intelligent, decisive; the Professor was brilliant, inventive, curious, and somewhat gawky--a quality that I felt I shared. 

In "The Hungry Glass," the two characters played by Shatner and Hinkley start off friendly, then adversarial as the house starts to make Shatner paranoid. Haunted by his trauma from the Korean War, Shatner begins to see things--unexplainable double exposures in his photographs, faces in the glass. Hinkley manages to talk some sense into him--until Shatner's wife screams from upstairs. Shatner charges up and sees her being dragged into a mirror by ghosts. He grabs a poker and smashes the mirror, intending to chase after her--only to be stopped by Johnson, who reveals that Shatner, in his delerium, has actually killed his wife with the poker. 

Minutes later, as Johnson and his wife attempt to console Shatner, his wife's ghost appears in the upstairs window and beckons him forth; Shatner leaps through the window, to his death, to be with her. Johnson's wife faints, and he sees the ghosts of the doomed lovers; he carries his wife to safety. 

It's a grim, heartbreaking story, one that sees the violent dissolution of one marriage, two potentially close friendships (the two wives were becoming closer), and trauma for the survivors. Johnson and Shatner play off against each other really well. I wonder if anyone ever asked either of them what it was like to work together. I'd love to know. 

One Year Later . . .

A friend of mine came back to work today after the recent loss of her mother, and we chatted for a bit before I realized that today is July 8...one year to the day after Mom passed away in the early hours of that morning 365 days ago. In the moment, I found it almost impossible to believe that it had been an entire year, because subjectively it feels like it all happened about three months ago. 

Here's a nice photo of Sean and Mom back in Leduc in 1986. Whatever happens next, whatever happened last year--I still feel lucky to have had moments like this. 

 

Paper Birch

When for beauty do thee search
Look no further than the birch;
Gaze upon it and you'll see
A thin-leaved, deciduous hardwood tree
Sure to soothe the nerves of primates
Seeking shelter in boreal climates
And should you need to recollect 
An extraordinary caper
Take a moment to reflect
Then use birch bark for paper

Two Ladies in Aylsham

That might be my grandmother on the right...or one of her sisters. 
 

Robert Stone Woods on the Farm

Dad's grandfather, Robert Stone Woods, sometime in the 1930s. He looks like a character from The Grapes of Wrath. 
 

An Uncanny Obsession

The very best horror films are also tragedies. Obsession (Curry Barker, 2025) will haunt anyone who ever pined for someone beyond their reach; anyone who realized too late their true love was there all along; anyone who had to bear the guilt of not returning the love of someone they merely liked. 

Such is the tragedy of Bear, who loves Nikki; Nikki, who sees Bear as a little brother; and Sarah, who loves Bear. And Bear again, for not realizing that last truth until it's too late to even ponder it. And Ian, trying to be the best friend he can to the others, bewildered, concerned, helpless, powerless, and doomed. 

The uncanny is the most potent form of horror. It is malevolence for the sake of malevolence, striking out at the vulnerable, wreaking anguish just because it can and for no other reason. Bear, Nikki, Sarah, and Ian are all demonstrably good people who genuinely care for each other; their friendships, had the uncanny not intruded, could have ebbed and flowed into something more or something less; whatever happened would have been better than this modern variation of "The Monkey's Paw." 

The scariest thing about Obsession is how real it feels. The uncanny takes the form of the banal here--capitalist trinkets selling dreams for handfuls of change, complete with disclaimers and retro branding for nostalgic appeal. Break the One Wish Willow and your wish will come true--but we keep forgetting that in the fables, wishes never quite turn out the way you expect. In life as it is in horror. 

I really cared for these four young people, though I knew they were doomed from the start. The knowledge doesn't ease the heartache. Yes, this is a fiction, a scary parable--but it's a mirror of the fear and chaos that disrupts lives from out of nowhere. It happens to the luckiest of us, somewhere, sometime, and if it hasn't happened to you yet, just wait a while; it will. 

3D Man

Here I am back in 2017, when I didn't worry about catching a virus in movie theatres. Better days. 
 

I Never Left You Hanging

Today, with some help from Sylvia, I installed a clothes drying rod. Zounds! I exceed myself. 

I used the following tools for this mad mission: 

• Drill
  
• Hammer
• Screwdriver
• Allan wrench
  
• Pliers 
• Level
• Pen
  

Note the extension bar with holes! I can hang action figures and starships from this simply by threading fishing line through the holes. Bonus! 

 

All Hail Canada Day

 

The Extra Special Guest Star

 Something occurred to me while watching the first and second seasons of Columbo. In multi-part film and television stories--basically all film and television stories save anthology series and stand-alone films without sequels--producers will often cast a stable of actors multiple times as different characters within those stories. 

In the James Bond films, for example, multiple actors have played characters such as M, Q, Moneypenny,  Bill Tanner, Felix Leiter, Blofeld--and even Bond himself. 

Roger Moore's Bond worked for two Ms, but neither he nor Moneypenny remarked upon their boss' change in appearance. Nor did Bernard Lee's M remark on Bond's change in appearance from On Her Majesty's Secret Service to Diamonds Are Forever to Live and Let Die. 

This is, of course, because characters are played by different actors in different productions all the time. We, the audience, don't remark on it, so why would the characters? 

Consider the inverted case: a guest actor appears several times during a television series, playing different roles. On Star Trek, for example, Diana Muldaur played Doctor Ann Mulhall in "Return to Tomorrow" and Doctor Miranda Jones in "Is There in Truth No Beauty?" Years later, she played Doctor Katherine Pulaski throughout the second season of Star Trek: The Next Generation. No character on either show confused Muldaur for any of the other characters she played within the same continuity. 

Of course. Same actress, different characters; in the shared universe of Star Trek, they're simply three distinct people who happen to look alike (to the eyes of the audience, at least). 

Forgive this rambling preamble; I'm aware that anyone who watches television or movies is well aware of the phenomena I've just described. 

But wouldn't it be fun if a creative team took advantage of our familiarity with the common practice of actors reappearing as different characters?  

Imagine, for example, Doctor Pulaski at the end of season two of Star Trek: The Next Generation. What if the good doctor had actually been Doctor Ann Mulhall the entire time, having faked her own death at some point between the 23rd and 24th centuries and given herself a new identity as Pulaski? Furthermore, what if, during the events of "Return to Tomorrow," Thalassa actually retained control of Mulhall's body and simply pretended to be her from that point forward? 

Imagine a two-part second season finale for TNG. In part one, Troi, working on a project with Pulaski more closely than usual, senses something off about the doctor. Furthermore, the doctor seems troubled by her conscience, and remarks on how old she feels--even though by 24th century standards she's in robust, middle-aged health. At the end of part one, during the course of a solo scientific mission in a shuttlecraft, she changes course and appears to be preparing to fly straight into a star. 

Part two opens as the TNG crew prevents Pulaski's suicide. Troi tries to counsel her, and naturally Riker, Picard, Data, and the others are concerned and reach out in different ways, trying to figure out what's gone wrong in Pulaski's life. 

The audience should be wondering too, because to us, she's Pulaski. By season's end, most viewers will have long forgotten that they remember Diana Muldaur from the original series. In fact, I'd wager 99% of viewers would be just as confused by Pulaski's actions and demeanor as the show's heroes. 

Finally, Pulaski lets slip a cryptic phrase, quoting some of her own words from "Return to Tomorrow:" "I told him oblivion together didn't frighten me. I lied." 

Then, a beat later, just before she successfully kills herself: "I'm not frightened anymore. Forgive me, Ann." 

For fans just familiar enough with Star Trek lore, the puzzle pieces should snap into place with what I hope would be dramatic impact. 

Our main characters are traumatized by all this--suicide being incredibly uncommon in the utopian world of the 24th century. In the episode's denoument, Troi and Data uncover Pulaski's past, reporting their findings to Captain Picard, who has to decide what to make of all this. The story of Mulhall/Thalassa/Pulaski is a triple-pronged tragedy of Shakespearean proportions, and a dark finale for the show's sophomore season. 

At the very least, I think this would have been better than "Shades of Grey." Plus, it would have given Doctor Beverly Crusher a powerful in-story reason to return--to be there for Picard and her other friends in the wake of such traumatic events.