If I Had a Billion Dollars

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
Well I'd buy a black house (I'd buy a black house)
And if I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy mannequin limbs for my house (a collection of arms and legs and heads for sure)
And if I had a billion dollars
I'd buy a Batmobile (a rather showy automobile)

And if I had a billion dollars I'd buy your patience
If I had a billion dollars I'd hire actors for our estate
They'd play roles from central casting and never be late
If I had a billion dollars maybe we could build a bridge simulator in there somewhere
(You know we could just go down and play Star Trek)
(Like shoot Klingons or watch movies on the bridge with popcorn and soda for us)
(With surround sound and exploding consoles, hmmm)
(Exploding consoles and gimbals in the floor)
(Do you really think that's safe? Well yeah!)

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
I'd buy you your own house
(Because living in my madhouse would be cruel)
If I had a billion dollars (If I had a billion dollars)
I'd build a tunnel to your house (so we could hang out all the time)
And if I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
Well I'd buy you Louis Vitton (so he could make you your own handbags)

And if I had a billion dollars I'd buy your patience
If I had a billion dollars we wouldn't have to cook and clean anymore
And if I had a billion dollars we'd hire chefs and butlers 'cause they all cost more
If I had a billion dollars we wouldn't have to eat taco kits
(But we would eat taco kits)
(Of course we would, we'd just eat more)
(And buy really expensive seasonings with it)
That's right, all the expensive Dijon taco seasoning, mmmm)

If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
Well I'd buy you a "Don't" shirt (and yes a real "Don't" shirt, that's cool)
And if I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
Well I'd buy us some art (a Vallejo or a Wayne Boring)
If I had a billion dollars (if I had a billion dollars)
Well I'd call you my monkey (but don't I already call you my monkey?)

If I had a billion dollars I'd buy your patience
If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars
If I had a billion dollars
I'd be silly