Ridley Scott's Board Runner

Ridley Scott will direct a feature film adaptation of Monopoly, the board game.

I suppose there's a chance that the famed director of Blade Runner and Alien could pull this off, but frankly, it sounds idiotic.

I envision a Cannonball Run-style chase movie, with the lead characters (dog, iron, thimble, top hat, Mountie, etc.) in pursuit of Mr. Moneybags.

I suppose Johnny Depp will relish the challenge of playing the thimble, or perhaps the top hat. Is Benji still alive? He/she can play the dog. Jeremy Irons would play the iron, of course. Benton Fraser would play the Mountie, who would at some point quip, "Go to jail. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go, do not collect $200." Delivered with wry irony and a wink.

Characters will bankrupt themselves in an attempt to buy up all the property in the city, searching for Mr. Moneybags' buried treasure, which will, of course, wind up buried under Boardwalk. Or perhaps Baltic Ave. for irony.

In the end, the characters will realize that they're all playing pieces in some twisted game of fate, and will eschew their capitalistic fever.

Admiral Adama will cameo at the end with a cryptic, "It's a shame she won't pass go and collect $200. But then again...who does?"

Tagline: On Park Place, no one can hear you scream.