Perhaps you noticed a cryptic blog entry a few weeks back: the opening teaser of a horror film screenplay. I've decided to move forward with the story, and here's what I've got thus far...
FADE IN on
5. EXT. Main Street at dawn, just outside Pop’s Soda Pop Shoppe. It’s dawn, and POP PRUITT, a balding, greying senior, rail-thin, is sweeping the sidewalk before his store, whistling. Gentle music informs us that this is an idyllic small-town scene, in sharp contrast to the horror we’ve just witnessed. A young woman on a shiny red bicycle, a perky teenaged brunette, rides into view. This is PENNY PRUITT, POP’s daughter. She comes to a stop in front of her father.
PENNY: Hi, Daddy!
POP: Good morning, my dear. Where are you off to today?
PENNY: Chip and I are meeting some friends at the old amusement park. We’re going to set up some tents and camp out!
POP: I hope you’re not thinking of going near any of those old rides. They should have sealed off that place – it’s dangerous!
PENNY: We’re not going to fool around with the rides…we just want to camp out close to the beach. We won’t be anywhere near anything dangerous.
POP: Well, I don’t know…if your mother were alive…
PENNY: Daddy, what could possibly happen? Don’t worry – I’ll see you in a couple of days!
PENNY rides off, leaving her father shaking his head. As PENNY rides into the distance, he returns to sweeping.
CUT to
6. EXT. Further down Main Street, PENNY rides along. TRACK with PENNY as CHIP COWAN, her best friend, pulls alongside on his shiny blue bicycle. CHIP is around PENNY’s age, with close-cropped brown hair and fresh, exuberant features. He’s the All-Canadian boy.
CHIP: Hi, Penny! Is everything set?
PENNY: The guys already have the campsite set up! All we need to bring is…us!
DISSOLVE to
7. EXT. The beach. Gathered here beside a huge 50s-esque Cadillac are PENNY and CHIP’s friends, CHEST BONEWELL, JULIE NYMFO, CHASTITY DYKE, PITMAN SPEER, LANCE BOYLE, APRIL RAYNE, FENTON NG, PREETA HUJANDULEEP, JACKSON BOWMAN, SHIVA MCANDREWS, SIOBHAN KADESHI, DILTON PUNK, ROBIN-SHIELA JAMSPLATTER, and JAMES “JIMBO” JOENS. All are dressed in bathing suits or shorts and t-shirts.
In the distance, we see the hulking ruins of the old amusement park, not overtly sinister, but still somehow unsettling.
In a series of quick scenes, we introduce the major players.
ROBIN-SHIELA, an attractive young African-Canadian, is conferring with CHEST, a bespectacled Caucasian beanpole. The others amuse themselves by playing Frisbee, tossing baseballs, etc.
ROBIN-SHIELA: Chest, weren’t Rick and Elaine supposed to be the first ones here? They had all the sleeping bags and tents!
CHEST: They were working on a case for the Junior Detective Squad. Something about the Spectre of the Sideshow.
ROBIN-SHIELA: Not the Junior Detective Squad again!
CHEST: Yes, apparently there were strange, ghostly sounds emanating from the abandoned sideshow. Rick and Elaine speculated that one of the sideshow candy vendors, who was crushed by a falling roller coaster car the day before the fair closed forever, returned to haunt the park.
ROBIN-SHIELA: Bah! I don’t believe it. Why don’t our friends join the cool clubs, like cheerleading or baseball.
CHEST: Well, I’m on the debate team.
ROBIN-SHIELA: The debate team is not “cool.”
CHEST (hopeful): I’m going to be editor of the yearbook club next year.
ROBIN-SHIELA merely stares.
CUT to
8. The beach. CHASTITY DYKE and SHIVA MCANDREWS are playing Frisbee.
CHASTITY: Shiva, I’m so horny, even you’re starting to look good. You’re cute, but I’m not into girls.
SHIVA: Chastity, don’t you think about anything besides sex? Don’t worry – sunset’s only an hour away, and I’m sure one of the guys will be more than willing to service your needs.
CUT to
9. The beach. PITMAN SPEER and FENTON NG are laying out towels. PITMAN is a muscular black male; FENTON, a thin, reedy Asian-Canadian.
PITMAN: So, you going to make your move on Shiva tonight?
FENTON: Nah. She’s way out of my league. Besides, she’s had a crush on Lance since she was eleven.
PITMAN: Lance is a dillweed. Besides, he’s had his eye on Siobhan all year.
FENTON: Yeah, but Siobhan obviously has a huge Sapphic crush on Preeta.
PITMAN: Which is ironic, because Preeta is totally into Chastity, who doesn’t have a lesbian bone in her body despite having a last name like “Dyke.”
FENTON: Can you put a lesbian bone into a body?
PITMAN: Anyway, don’t let Lance stand in your way. Brains will win out over brawn every time.
FENTON: Except when it comes to getting laid.
PITMAN (considering): Hmm.
CUT to
10. Bikini-clad damsels PREETA HUJANDULEEP and JULIE NYMFO are stretching out on their towels to do some tanning. PREETA is watching CHASTITY play Frisbee; JULIE watches PREETA watching.
JULIE: When are you going to figure out that Dyke…isn’t?
PREETA (sighing): I can dream, can’t I? The only girl in school who isn’t bisexual, and I fall for her.
JULIE: We all want what we can’t have.
PREETA (singing): I can’t get no…na na na…Sapphic action…na na na…
JULIE (exasperated): Here, let me rub some suntan oil on those huge boobs of yours, paying special attention to your turgid nipples.
As she moves into position to do so, we CUT to
11. EXT. the beach. LANCE BOYLE and JACKSON BOWMAN, sitting on the rear bumper of the Cadillac. The trunk is open; we can see coolers behind them, presumably containing food and beverages. LANCE is a long-haired, athletic Caucasian, with the beginnings of a goatee. His friend JACKSON is African-Canadian, also athletic, but with a swimmer’s build.
LANCE (watching SIOBHAN, who is standing a bit farther down the beach with APRIL): Dude, I think Siobhan is finally warming up to me. I really cleaned up at the track meet.
JACKSON: She’d be more impressed if you cleaned up your act. We all like to let loose once in a while, but Siobhan’s a straight shooter – if she finds out you’ve been doing crack again, your chances will go from zero to…uh, less than zero.
LANCE (wounded): A little cocaine never hurt anyone!
JACKSON looks a little startled by this pronouncement.
CUT to
12. SIOBHAN KADESHI and APRIL RAYNE, standing ankle-deep in the surf, looking out towards the abandoned amusement park.
APRIL: Kinda spooky, isn’t it? Like the skeleton of some huge, ancient dinosaur that died just before it was able to devour its prey.
SIOBHAN: Nice simile, April. I guess Rick and Elaine were out there last night, investigating some spook or other.
APRIL: And they still haven’t arrived. Maybe they started investigating each other.
SIOBHAN (pensive): I’m worried. Rick and Elaine are usually so dependable. They were going to bring the root beer.
APRIL: Well, as founding members of the Junior Detective Squad, maybe you and I should do some investigating of our own. Maybe the Spectre of the Sideshow was too much for Elaine and Rick to handle!
SIOBHAN: No, let’s give them a little more time. If they’re not here by sundown, let’s see if we can convince the others to start a search.
CUT to
13. EXT. the beach. DILTON PUNK and JAMES “JIMBO” JOENS are throwing sticks into a pile, getting ready to start a fire.
DILTON (conspiratorially): Did you bring it?
JIMBO: Yeah, man, quit worrying.
DILTON: This is gonna be so bitchin’. I can hardly wait to see…
DILTON breaks off as ROBIN-SHIELA and CHEST approach.
CHEST: Look, I brought matches.
****
That's all I've got thus far. Yes, it's dumb as hell, but I'm having fun.
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